23 posts tagged “os”

-Che didn't call.
-i went to visit OS and we had sisterly bonding time.
-i met a guy who expressed extreme interest in me but that i was not interested in but i think he's gotten the picture by now b/c he is no longer persistently texting me.
-i lost my camera (this makes three. ugh).
-i have decided that i want to be a burlesque dancer when i grow up. my stage name: "violet come-lately."
-i went to two concerts w/SFC.

same old same old. still feel tired, still have 4 loads of laundry to do. still leading a boring existence.

STILL LAME.

i just got off the phone w/OS, who filled me in on what happened w/the guy she started dating. last i heard, they went on a few dates, she slept over and they spent the next day together hanging out. she was excited for me to meet him b/c he's unlike anyone else she's ever dated, and he also went to her college (graduated a year before) so even tho they hadn't known each other there, it was an interesting connection to have, especially in the city she's in right now.

and then he stopped returning her phone calls and took a week to accept her facebook friend invitation (i'm assuming she sent it before he went into radio silence). apparently they finally got to talk early last week (she's going on a psych rotation, and he's a psych resident, and she hoped he could give her a little feel for what she'll be doing for the next few weeks) and he gave her a "it's not you, it's me" sort of excuse for disappearing. which makes her mad and makes me mad. he was just an ass who wanted to get into her pants, and then decided that, romantically, they wouldn't work out. WHATEVS. fuck that. well guess i won't meet him and we won't go hiking when i go to visit her next month.

good riddance.

oh, and Che left me two voicemails late last night. the gist: "please call me back b/c there is something i want to say to you. something very nice. i know i have called you late in the past but i really want to talk to you. // i love you and can't live w/out you. i don't know if i can get more direct than that. i want to spend the rest of my life w/you. you were right when you said our story isn't over. i want to move to (barely populated state) and start our lives together, where you'll be the only lawyer in town and i'll do [a bunch of things that also involve real estate]. i'm ready now. i want to do this, this year. we'll have adventures and do cute things and do crossword puzzles. we'll have college reunions and [our college] guys will marry [our college] girls. call me tonight. please call me back."

which i did 30min later (after listening to the VMs twice, each) and left a VM, basically just asking him to call me back, but he hasn't called me back yet. sort of surreal. first of all, i can't up and leave. and secondly, i can't do this all again just b/c he's had an epiphany b/c who knows if he'll just change his mind a year or two from now. OS says: "it's just not the right time for you. that's not to say that it won't be the right time in the future, but you have to be strong w/the decision you've already made and etc etc." which i agree w/, of course, but it's so strange. i used to assume that he was going to figure out his life and then we'd move somewhere together. now, it's me that needs to figure out my life. i need to stay w/my job for at least another year, and then who knows where i will go? will i become a practicing lawyer? will i stay in [current state]? will i move to [eastern city]? do i really love Che enough to open myself up to the possibility of him flaking again? WHO WILL PAY MY STUDENT LOANS? [would the kennedys also get me a job?]

what he needs to do is move to [northern city] and be...normal...for a while. and then we can start talking.

SIGH THIS IS NEVER GOING TO WORK. PERHAPS HE WAS JUST REALLY DRUNK LAST NIGHT.

yeah, the righteous anger is on behalf of my sister. it's just resigned confusion on my own behalf. i find it almost a little funny. tee hee. i love being right.

i also love sweaty yoga. i do not love that my annual performance review is coming up.

but so far it's just the same old same old. i'm not sad, i'm not awesomely happy, either.

the boring run-down of my life:

on the man front:
so w/the recent deaths of the kennedy clan, i can't but think of Che. i wonder if he went to the funeral, or if he stayed in [fabulous city] while his kennedy attended. i've avoided the media coverage b/c i don't want to be reminded of him. how lame is that?

on the friend front:
IG had his island weekend earlier this month, and i went. it was a lot of fun, but things were noticeably calmer than usual, b/c everyone was in a relationship or paired off. there were 14 of us and HT and i were paired off, even tho i ended up sharing a room w/IG's ex-girlfriend. nothing crazy happened, w/the exception of a fight between BL and GL. but that's to be expected b/c he gets trashed and she usually takes offense to something he does or says; this time it was b/c she found his hidden stash of "snus".

they're nearing their first anniversary, and they recently bought a condo in [eastern city]. i was their first non-family guest in their new guest room! exciting.

JMS + wife had already bought a condo and were living together before they got married. FM just bought a condo, too, and his girlfriend is moving in.

i need to stop comparing myself to my friends. i need to stop thinking about how i am single and (although not unhappy about it) how i need to find a guy.

i'm headed to new orleans for labor day, w/TM. i'm assuming AA isn't coming b/c she didn't get back to me w/her travel itinerary. TM and i decided on new orleans before we found out that labor day weekend is "southern decadence" in NOLA, also known as "gay mardi gras". TM has promised not to abandon me for a random gay dude, so hopefully we'll do a lot of eating and drinking and perhaps i'll find a straight guy and kissyface at some point.

both EW and D&G were recently in town (but separately), and stayed w/me. apparently i've gotten more assertive since i moved to [northern city] (or so they tell me). i think it's b/c i'm less used to the day-to-day drama and therefore less inclined to take people's shit. the last time i was in [grad school city] CB and i got into a long, extended, late-night conversation about--what else--girls and of course it didn't go anywhere. oh, and TR is dating someone seriously enough to make it known on facebook, but she looks sort of dorky (later confirmed by D&G). i am totally hotter. but he's getting ass and i'm not. damn.

on the family front:
YS officially has a boyfriend. he's someone she met at nerd camp two summers ago, and they ended up at different colleges but still kept in touch. they've been together for a while, but she's only been comfortable w/the titles of boyfriend-girlfriend recently. OS has started dating in her internship city, and I AM OFFICIALLY THE SINGLEST SISTER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME. so depressing.

on the work front:
i still have a crush on SFC. we went out for bar trivia tonight (and won, natch) and i really just wanted to sit in his lap and kissyface.

blah. i need another distraction.

there are other posts i've been meaning to write but i just keep putting them off. b/c i can b/c this is my blog and i'm allowed to be a slacker.

OS is back on medical leave...she went back to her internship in jan, did a rotation, and then her attending failed her b/c of memory issues (but basically said that she was almost there...). she is back in [parents' city] through june, and will go back to her internship, where she'll shadow one of the interns finishing up, and get to start all over w/the incoming class in late june/early july. she has to start work w/a memory specialist in [parents' city] but she's doing so much better it's fantastic. no one asks for major surgery and brain tumors, but she's almost fully recovered now and her career hasn't suffered ill effects of a year of recovery--yet.

my mom + OS + my cousin and his parents came to [grad school city] yesterday to pick up the dog. i miss her now. and i realize yet again how much i dislike my uncle-in-law. my aunt + uncle-in-law came from taiwan to get my cousin, who has been working in [depressing midwestern city] since he graduated from college here [in grad school city] in 2002, but decided that the job wasn't for him.  they drove down from [depressing midwestern city] to visit my parents and some other friends along the way, and are driving back to fly out on friday. cousin doesn't have U.S. citizenship, so it's back to taiwan for him. at least he's too old to be conscripted into the taiwanese military for the 2yrs of compulsory service now. where apparently they train to use WWII-era weapons!

one thing that has really hit me this holiday season is how lucky i am.

how lucky my family is.

even tho OS had brain surgery and is still in the slow process of recovery (she and my mom are headed back to her internship placement in jan), and YS has an autoimmune disorder, our family is doing all right. my parents are still together, and my dad is able to provide for us, financially (hopefully i will be totally financially independent sooner rather than later [he pays for my health insurance and my car insurance and also paid my rent, graduate school tuition, and Barbri tuition this summer]). we have a roof over our heads, a small dog that is happy to see us, and the ability to go out and experience life.

we have our typical first/second-generation Asian family issues, but all in all we get along. i just hope that i can make my parents proud, and provide for them in their old[er] age.

and get married and have kids soon (but not before one of my sisters gets married b/c i sure as heck don't want the parents moving in w/ME).

first reader turned out to be a complete and total dick.  i didn't finish my thesis.  my second reader approved and signed off on it, but on friday morning, my first reader finally responded and emailed BOTH of us telling me that i was impolite and disrespectful for delaying work on my thesis until the last minute and expecting an immediate reply from him...he was busy and would not have time to review my work until later.

i ended up talking to the graduate advisor, who thinks that based on the timeline i gave him (i worked on the thesis all summer w/the except of the 10 fuckin days i spent studying for the bar exam) that my first reader had a responsibility to read my thesis and help me graduate.  it's so ridiculous at this point, i almost can't believe that it happened.  this dude LOST the first draft of my thesis that i sent him.  i sent him a total of 3 drafts this last week (monday, wednesday, and thursday) and he didn't look at any of them.

currently waiting for the first reader to respond AGAIN (to the draft i sent him on saturday) so that maybe i can apply for graduation in absentia for the fall.  he'll have to approve my thesis by the time i leave to visit OS, which is wednesday.  he'll sign 2 forms and i will physically turn my thesis in to the graduate studies office on campus.  b/c he is such an asshole, this may not happen and i may have to register for the stupid thesis class again in the fall and pay for tuition and both my master's and law school fees AGAIN.

i'm going to file a formal complaint against him once this is all done.

so i've submitted what should be the final draft of my master's thesis to my second reader, the subject matter expert.  my first reader is sort of being an ass about responding to my emails and questions in a timely manner.  maybe he doesn't realize that I WANT TO GRADUATE and i need him to sign off on my thesis and all of the forms so that i can get some more signatures and turn it all in by COB tomorrow.  ugh.

this means that i am waiting for comments.  hopefully i will get a thumbs up from both.  and, i'm waiting for my bar results.  that'll be until the first week of november when i'll hear that i FAILED!!!  blah.

people are leaving, and i'm still here in [graduate school city].  JCG is selling her townhouse, and planning to move to [parents' city].  MB and CC are leaving for their cushy, high-paying jobs in [summer city] this week.  they're working for the same firm, but in different areas.  PC was in town for a few days, but he's also back in [summer city] by now.  if only i could pick up and move somewhere random.  but no, since i have no savings, i'd have to take another bar and wait for my results and find a job before i moved.  if only i had the freedom some people have...one of the guys who was in bar class w/me this summer decided, on a whim, to move here after he graduated from law school.  he has no connections here, and went to law school out of state.  sort of ballsy.  or maybe my sense of risk-taking is totally out of whack!

anyways, the plan is that if i pass the bar here in [current state] this fall, i'm going to start thinking about taking the bar for [fabulous state] in february.  YS is headed out there for college in september, and OS will also be there for the rest of her residency, if she finishes the year where she is currently w/no major mishaps.  she and the mother just spent 3wks in [parents' city] while she was on medical leave b/c she wasn't passing her current rotation.

sigh.

it's where OS and i went to elementary and middle school, and where YS was born.  FB and PG are there, and VC and BD will probably move there w/in the next few years.  oh, and Che is there, too.  he's going to be at a wedding out of state the weekend i would've gone to see him so i won't be flying out there after all.

so i'm waiting for him to rack up enough frequent flyer miles to come visit me this fall, too.

is it so wrong to want something i deep down inside believe that i don't deserve, so much that it feels like my bones ache?

not sure if i am thinking about passing the bar or a certain boy...it's like i'm almost giddy w/self-defeat on both accounts.  i have not studied nearly enough for the bar, given that i turned in my thesis last week (and we shall see if my readers will be on board w/me finishing by august 15).

and at this point my finances probably won't allow me to make a trip out to see said boy in late august.  right now i'm wracking my brain, trying to come up w/a way to get the mother to spring for half of my plane fare out there or back, since i'll be visiting her and OS for about a week after i finish up.  combined trips are so much more economical, no?

of course, visiting him and doing the funny business in a new state doesn't really mean that i have him.  *that* is what i'm wishing for.

either one would make the rest of 2008 much nicer.  both would be fab.

somehow my boobs have grown again and i've gone up a cup size.  i just upgraded 2yrs ago.  what is going on?  i am not pregnant, have not gained 20lbs overnight, nor am i going through puberty.

where is it all coming from?  the mother used to say that OS's and my boobs were bigger than hers b/c we grew up on milk from american hormone-fed cows.  my mom is a 34A or small B, OS is a fuller 34B, YS is a 32A i think, and i am now a 36D.

i'm 5'2".  i'm not overweight.  nor am i disproportional.  WHY ARE THE BOOBS GETTING BIGGER?!?!?!?!

ugh.

i have a headache, a stuffy nose, and i am paranoid that i have mono (JCG was diagnosed last week).

younger sister (YS) graduated from high school, i went home to [parent's city] for the weekend and OS made me cry.  YS was valedictorian of her class and is going to a better college than those OS and i attended (we went to very very good schools but YS has surpassed us and that's okay) but is currently freaking out b/c she thinks she is losing her memory.  OS is not ready to start her residency [disclosure: she just graduated from med school] but she's going anyway.

i turned in one hunk of my thesis (late) and now am behind on the next portion.

am stressed out about the bar [disclosure: i just pseudo-graduated from law school] and how i can only go to barbri classes and can't study for it until i finish my thesis (for my other grad school program).

leaving for my 5yr college reunion tomorrow and i haven't packed.  Che hasn't called me in over a week.  i feel fat.