19 posts tagged “mb”

in a perfect world, all of my friends would get along.  but they don't.

MB is an acquired taste.  i know this.  when people tell me about something that he did to offend them, i can sort of understand where they're coming from.

JCG and BW don't really get along.  they worked at the same place part-time last year, and i've accepted that they will never be best buds.  most of the dislike was from JCG directed at BW, or so i thought.

recently, BW has made comments about how JCG is not her favorite person.  JCG owns a pit bull (who is terribly sweet) and b/c BW is allergic to pet saliva, she hates it when JCG used to bring the dog to work w/her.  JCG didn't understand it, and thought BW was just being immature.  not the end of the world, right?

but apparently, JCG used to stand around at work and talk to another mutual friend of ours about how much she enjoyed hanging out w/me, right in BW's presence, and discuss things openly w/o including BW in the conversation.  sort of rude, but maybe excusable under certain circumstances...

then BW told me that JCG was openly mean to one of the paralegals at work, and told her flat out that she shouldn't apply to our law school b/c she wouldn't get in.  guess what--she didn't.  and JCG said, "i told you so."

now i'm not sure if there is any way to spin that positively.

and last week, JCG told me that she was having a very bad day so i met her for lunch.  turns out she signed onto a [now former] friend's gmail account and read all the emails about herself.  apparently said former friend had been having all these conversations behind JCG's back and badmouthing her.  okay, so i'm glad she now knows, but seriously?  reading someone else's email?  the former friend had given her the password like a year ago to check something, and apparently never changed her password back.  JCG says she's not going to say anything to the former friend, and i support that, but STILL.  it's a severe invasion of privacy.

i don't know how i feel about it.  i spend a lot of time defending EW and BW and another friend of mine to JCG whenever she beats down on them, and same thing when BW talks about JCG, but maybe i should just start telling them to leave me out of it, and i don't want to hear the negativity.

no more guilt by proxy!

so i've submitted what should be the final draft of my master's thesis to my second reader, the subject matter expert.  my first reader is sort of being an ass about responding to my emails and questions in a timely manner.  maybe he doesn't realize that I WANT TO GRADUATE and i need him to sign off on my thesis and all of the forms so that i can get some more signatures and turn it all in by COB tomorrow.  ugh.

this means that i am waiting for comments.  hopefully i will get a thumbs up from both.  and, i'm waiting for my bar results.  that'll be until the first week of november when i'll hear that i FAILED!!!  blah.

people are leaving, and i'm still here in [graduate school city].  JCG is selling her townhouse, and planning to move to [parents' city].  MB and CC are leaving for their cushy, high-paying jobs in [summer city] this week.  they're working for the same firm, but in different areas.  PC was in town for a few days, but he's also back in [summer city] by now.  if only i could pick up and move somewhere random.  but no, since i have no savings, i'd have to take another bar and wait for my results and find a job before i moved.  if only i had the freedom some people have...one of the guys who was in bar class w/me this summer decided, on a whim, to move here after he graduated from law school.  he has no connections here, and went to law school out of state.  sort of ballsy.  or maybe my sense of risk-taking is totally out of whack!

anyways, the plan is that if i pass the bar here in [current state] this fall, i'm going to start thinking about taking the bar for [fabulous state] in february.  YS is headed out there for college in september, and OS will also be there for the rest of her residency, if she finishes the year where she is currently w/no major mishaps.  she and the mother just spent 3wks in [parents' city] while she was on medical leave b/c she wasn't passing her current rotation.

sigh.

it's where OS and i went to elementary and middle school, and where YS was born.  FB and PG are there, and VC and BD will probably move there w/in the next few years.  oh, and Che is there, too.  he's going to be at a wedding out of state the weekend i would've gone to see him so i won't be flying out there after all.

so i'm waiting for him to rack up enough frequent flyer miles to come visit me this fall, too.

D&G called me tonight, and among other things we talked about, turns out BNG called her to ask about me and MB.  we commiserated and she backed me up on the BNG is bad news bit.  yes she may be easy, but man oh man is she clingy.  and of course, MB is an acquired taste and he rubs MANY people the wrong way.  is an asshole to women he dates, etc.

so even the two friends agree that this is the hookup that should not happen.  take that and suck it, MB!

D&G is also having boy drama.  turns out this dude that she was interested in at her program, who we will call NANG (not a nice guy), has been hot-and-cold and finally asked her what she wanted.  trick question of course, and then he unloads that there is a girl waiting for him back in his home state and then things all go to shit.  even tho she's said quite clearly to him that she just wanted to enjoy the moment, NANG brings up that b/c he's older and more experienced, this is going to be harder on him than on her.  and now he's ignoring her and pointedly making plans w/other people in front of her (he's one of a few people who have cars at this language immersion program, so she's basically stuck on campus for their upcoming 3-day weekend).

i maintain that NANG is being an ass, but D&G insists that he is a nice guy.  i believe that nice guys can exist, but once they become romantically involved, they all turn into assholes.  the ones worth fighting/crying/mooning over, at least.  ugh.

i know that telling a friend that someone else is bad news is a delicate process...you don't want to sound bitchy or condescending or jealous, etc...

i noticed recently that MB had a prolonged facebook conversation w/a girl i met last february.  how did i find this out?  not by facebook-stalking MB [which he later accused me of, of course], but b/c i was checking out a album of pictures D&G had uploaded and that i and said girl was in.  let's just call her BNG (bad news girl).  i clicked over to her profile to see if she had graduated yet [she's an undergrad], and lo and behold, it says that MB and BNG became friends a few days ago.

MB had made a comment to me last week about looking for "bar ass" to get him through the summer, so i immediately became concerned.  she is BNG b/c she started sleeping w/a professor [MB got snippy w/me, and okay okay, he's actually a senior lecturer.  but he still teaches classes and grades students and has teaching assistants.] and got attached.  and is sort of a mess.

i emailed MB to tell him i hoped he wasn't hitting her up for sex b/c she was sort of bad news, and of course he got interested.  long story short, he thinks that i'm being a gossip and defaming this girl.  he thinks i am overreacting.

i don't know what else to do here.  i met this girl b/c she is friends w/D&G and we went drinking one night.  all this spring semester, i heard about her from D&G, about how she wasn't over this professor, how she was acting out, how she was having breakdowns, etc.  D&G was late/had to cancel engagements b/c she was busy dealing w/or comforting BNG.

i didn't tell MB to be bitchy, or to cockblock him in any way.  i just wanted him to be informed.  if she turned psycho on him, he'd surely ask me, later, why i didn't tell him.  he brought up the point that it was possible that they had already been seeing each other by the time i emailed him, then what?

if i were to respond [i'm not going to, b/c i sent him a last email telling him i didn't want to discuss this matter w/him, ever, again.  anything i'd say, b/c he is infinitely more witty than i, he'd take to be some defensive comment.] i would say, "i'd want you to know anyway."  i'm not slandering this girl.  i just think she's messed up in the relationship/sex department.  otherwise, she could be fabulous.  and she is really pretty, that i acknowledge fully.

i was just trying to save him some drama.  now i am annoyed b/c i can't sign onto gchat or facebook w/o feeling like he's going to be there, judgy mcjudging me.

argh drama.

is it the bar-exam-and-thesis-and-lack-of-a-job-related stress?  or is it some strange summertime bug?

sitting in class today (yes, on a Sunday) i got the shivers for maybe the third time or so in the past week and a half.  i keep thinking that maybe i love Che.  i wanted to tell him that tonight, but i refrained.  don't know how it would go over.  i told him that there was something i meant to tell him but couldn't remember.  i guess that's the safest for now.

i love thinking about green grass, blue skies, ocean breezes, starched white cotton, seersucker, and madras plaid.

and then i think about him.  there is a stage that i reach w/every guy i seriously date, in which i think about what it would be like to run errands, do mundane things, laze about and lie on the couch w/the windows open and watch the curtains flutter in the breeze.  contemplate carpet or hardwood flooring.  do the sunday crossword.  the only persons i have shared my love of crosswords w/have been Che and CS.  one could be the love of my life (ha!) and the other is someone i try not to think about.

it's hard to say whether Che and i would ever spend enough time together to get sick of each other, as our consummated relationship has been comprised of weekends together and long-distance phone calls.  oh, and a 6-day trip to his hometown for New Year's 2005-06 that involved me meeting his parents and staying at his mother's.  before we were officially boyfriend-and-girlfriend.  she actually ended up renting a hotel room for us the night before i left b/c she thought we needed some "peace and quiet."  parts of the trip were uncomfortable and stressful and strange but over all it was still worth it, to see where he grew up, and to meet his parents.  apparently he talked about me for years.  when i ended things in September 2006, from which i received no acknowledgment or confirmation b/c he disappeared off the face of the earth for 3mos, i thought all of that was over and that i needed to realize that no amount of wanting and "knowing" that if i just waited for him to grow up he would be the one, would be enough to make it true.

it wasn't the same as my breakups w/FM and MB, which were devastating in their own ways, b/c there wasn't the same kind of buildup and feeling of "rightness" w/either of them from the beginning.  it also wasn't the same b/c having never dated Che in-city, i had had different expectations when it came to physical separation and contact.  during the breakup process, i didn't break down and cry as much, b/c i had grown accustomed in my relationship w/Che to keeping so much of my sorrow private.  i thought that i would move on.

but and then he called me, on Christmas 2006, and i told him that our story was not over yet, and that i knew that i would see him again.  but that he had to keep talking to me.  so he did.  and i did.

is it all coming back?  or is my mind just acting up?

argh. 

right now i am very angry at JCG.  and angry at myself.

i, along with some other soon-to-be graduates, went to an alumni reception at a fancy hotel downtown.  i ended up drinking a bit too much and, after driving myself and CC to dinner, proceeded to "pass out" in JCG's lap.  the extra glass of wine SSM bought me at the restaurant while we waited for our table just sped things up.  i spent some time on the floor of the men's bathroom, before JCG and SSM hauled me out (barefoot, b/c somehow i lost my shoes) and placed me in JCG's car.  when i protested, saying that my car was still at the restaurant, JCG snapped at me and told me that i should just call a cab in the morning to get it.  she drove me back to my house but we determined that the keys to my house were in the trunk of my car.  so, she then tried to drag me out of the car and make me lie on the porch b/c she didn't want me throwing up in her car.  i spent 5min arguing w/her b/c i didn't want to be left alone and i told her i wouldn't puke (i have a delayed puking mechanism).  finally, she drove back to the restaurant to get my keys, and on the way over, took $20 out of my purse to pay for my food (which i did not eat and everyone else at the table consumed), and called and told everyone that i was going to pay for dessert to make up for it.  at this point i was semi-comatose.  we got back to my house and i limped in and fell down on the floor in the living room.  i don't remember much else, except that i spent the hours from 230am to 11am throwing up.

when i checked my phone in the morning, JCG had texted me to say that i owed everyone else $40.  so at this point, i didn't have my shoes, i had no car, and i had no cash to pay for a cab to get back to the restaurant.  and i apparently was going to pay a grand total of $60 for a meal i did not consume.  how do 5 people end up w/a $40 bill for dessert?  by each ordering something and making it the most expensive item on the dessert menu?  after eating my pizza?  wtf.

D&G was nice enough to pick me up and drive me to my car.  and then i bought her lunch, but i volunteered.

now, i'm angry for a number of reasons.
***i'm angry at myself for drinking to excess.  drinking 5 glasses of wine on a plate and a half of hors d'oeuvres (sp?) is a really really dumb thing for a short asian female w/a low tolerance to do.
1) JCG gets really mean to me when she thinks i've had too much to drink.  she bitched me out for getting sloshed at my housewarming party, and after i, mortified, asked around to see if i had really been a hot mess, found out that i had been totally fine in everyone else's estimation, she did back down a bit.  nevermind that she loves "drunk [omphaloskepsist]" and this is the first time i've gotten sloppy in the entirety of our acquaintance.  (and she didn't even see me puke!!!)
2) last time she got sloppy and puked all over the place, i took care of her and never bitched her out or berated her or told you "i told you so."
3) i was going to offer to pay for her meal and maybe part of SSM's b/c of my drunken behavior, but where does she get off volunteering me to pay for everyone?  they each get $12 b/c i ruined their night?  to my best recollection, i did not do any of the following: make a scene, throw up on people, curse at people, or throw things at people.  no one at the restaurant ever asked me to leave.
4) WTF.  $40 on dessert???
5) someone told MB and i don't know who.

i called her today to ask her a question about graduation (tomorrow) but also to say that we needed to discuss what happened last night.  she was on her way to the airport to pick up her sister (the one w/the asshole [soon-to-be-ex-?] husband), so she said that it wasn't a good time to talk.  i guess we'll talk later this weekend.

no matter how outrageous i might've been (and i wasn't b/c no one told me to stop drinking or questioned my behavior until i started feeling ill at the restaurant...except for MB but that was back at the reception b/c he didn't go to dinner), i don't think JCG treated me very well.  maybe i don't remember enough, but when i talked to CC on gchat today, he didn't say that my behavior was awful or anything like that.  i think that for some strange reason JCG is harder on me than anyone else in terms of drinking and subsequent behavior.  and it's terribly unfair.  she is one of my closest friends here in [grad school city] and i would never have thought that anyone would've treated me the way that she did, last night.  i can't even imagine it.  especially since i have never been in that position w/her before (not like it's an excuse, but it's not like she can say that she is sick and tired of my behavior or something).  for someone who has been amazingly supportive when it comes to boy issues and my thesis drama of earlier this spring, i'm just baffled by her response last night.  i've been there for her.  why did she treat me like an annoyance and a burden last night?

some other things that anger me:
1) my mother and OS will not be coming to graduation tomorrow, b/c OS is supposed to graduate from her graduate program on sunday and is still working to finish everything up.  they are definitely not coming to my first (morning) graduation ceremony, but might be able to make it to the ceremony for my second graduate degree.  i know that OS is working as hard as she can and has severe obstacles to overcome, but i can't help but think that my mother has placed OS first for so long now.  yes, i'm a horrible person for saying this.  at least i'm not vocalizing it to anyone.
2) CB and RND are too cuddly for a couple that is no longer a couple.  it's ridiculous.  and he invited the other girl over to hang out again!  at least it wasn't my house this time.  it was BW and her fiance's house.  CB is just an emotionally manipulative jerk and i am getting more and more fed up w/him.
3) no matter how much i want it to happen, i am still not officially graduating this may.  i'm afraid that i will end up breaking into tears at some point tomorrow, during one or both of the ceremonies, as the frustration gets to be too much.

academically speaking.

so yesterday, my first and second readers for my thesis told me they would need more time for a first draft, and so i am officially not graduating this spring.  i'm graduating in august (if i finish my thesis), instead.

understandably disappointed, i was.  but i was expecting it.

what i wasn't expecting was for my first reader to then accuse me of attempting to self-plagiarize my own work.  i thought i had made it clear that my thesis would be an expansion of a paper i wrote for my second reader, and so the thesis would include my method of analysis and the case study from my first paper.  apparently i was wrong.  i thought my proposal and my emails had been clear.  i have an email from my first reader purporting to give me permission to include prior work in my thesis.

i am currently trying to meet w/the [grad school] writing instructor, to see if i can rework the portions of my first paper that i was intending on using for my thesis.  she hasn't responded.  tomorrow i plan to talk to the graduate adviser about switching first readers if i can't figure out a way to write the paper i want, the paper i told my first reader i was going to write, the paper which he approved.

i will just have to take this all as a learning experience, and take comfort in the fact that i have been nothing but professional and honest and forthcoming in my dealings w/my now-asshole-first reader.

and i'm proud of myself for not calling Che yesterday when i was underslept, overly emotional, blubbering, and upset.  to tell the truth, i didn't even think of him until later on in the evening; by the time he called me i had pretty much calmed down.  the first person i did call?  MB.  he was as supportive as someone w/emotional issues can be.  he told me to suck it up.  then i talked to EW and TP.  and AA.  and JCG came over and got me to drink beer and eat brisket and onion rings.  D&G told me that my first reader has accused other students (unjustly) of plagiarism.  maybe it's just his thing.

sigh.  is this what real life is going to be like, w/douchebag supervisors and rude emails left and right?  maybe the worst part about this is that i actually picked my readers.  i suppose if i had multiple job offers (ha!) i would be picking my supervisors, wouldn't i?

that's one way to ruin a relationship.  sometimes i wonder how seriously i can take Che.  if i really up and moved to [fabulous city], never mind that i would be overly qualified and wouldn't take the job in a million years unless i had 4 starving mouths to feed or was in some equally dire strait, would he actually hire me?  he told me my options were either dockworker in his building, or his secretary.  the secretary position would require a lot of "extra attention" and lots of high heels.  riiiight.   at least i can bank on his attraction to me.  when we go to our 5yr college reunion this summer, he intends for us to have lots of the funny business.  he's getting really excited about the prospect of getting sweaty and making lots of noise on on of those lovely twin XL mattresses in the dorms.  i told him if he wants it, he should reserve a room, b/c i sure as heck won't.  maybe we can try to hit the whole "10 places you should have sex before you leave [the alma mater]" list.

EW was right.  even tho this has been a semester of unrelenting rejection, i'm not really 0 for 948576 jobs.  i'm actually 1 for 948577.  even tho i am not getting lovin in the professional development arena, there have been no shortage of boys in love w/me.  ha.

brought someone home, to be referred to as NM (neiman marcus), from my neighborhood saloon last night...he insisted on showering before we really started fooling around.

is this weird?  MB says that he was washing off the dried scabs.  thanks, MB.

CG happened to be in town and coincidences of coincidences, just happened to be going to the neiman marcus that NM works at (i'm so creative, aren't i?).  she texted to tell me that he is cute, but ties his tie way too tight.

so, if he doesn't call me, i'll have had my first one night stand ever.  woo hoo.

i called TR and ended things this evening.  JCG, who is apparently a break-up expert, gave me some good tips.  i'm now a big fan of "i'm sorry if i disappointed you."  this is b/c i'm not a "it's not you, it's me" fan.  i mean, it was him!  he didn't do anything wrong, he just wasn't my cup of tea.  i am perfectly capable of being in a relationship, but i don't want to be in one w/him!  likewise, why i couldn't say "i'm not ready for a relationship right now."  i try not to tell falsehoods during relationship talks.

so he didn't cry or anything, but he did say he was sad.  i'm pretty sure he didn't see it coming.  oops for him.  oh well, we're going to stay friends and all.

MB thinks that i should go and make some bad decisions.  i did go out downtown w/SSM and JCG earlier in the week, but felt no great desire to pursue anyone or anything.  i think i am just going to enjoy being young, attractive, and single.

i keep wondering if Che is the one.  i guess the fact that i keep wondering and don't know for sure should tell me something.

MB and i have known each other long enough to have birthed and raised a 3rd grader by now.  my ankle-biter w/Che would be a few months older than that.  it's physically impossible to have two kids that close in age, tho...

what would our kids look like?  i freaked CG out once by telling her that i couldn't marry TR b/c our kids would look too strange.  btw, TR wants to take me to dinner for my birthday.  i guess he didn't get the hint.  sigh.  i don't think it's all that weird to imagine what our kids would look like, as a combination of our facial features.  i think about this w/any guy that i date, including the not-serious-at-all candidates.

i *do* know that any child of mine won't have blond(e) hair.  last week, i was talking to JCG about Che and i mentioned something to her that i've never told anyone before, not in the 8yrs that it's been sitting in the back of my mind.  once, during freshman year of college, Che spent the night in my dorm room (i think he was sexiled by his roommate, even tho they had separate bedrooms) and we talked all night, through daybreak.  at some point we started talking about what we thought would be the perfect future memory/image.  i had, and still do, have this totally preppy ralph lauren moment in my mind that involves incredibly green grass, an impossibly blue sky, swings, and summer whites/cape attire.  he said that he could picture a white picket fence and him walking through the gate and his wife and daughter being just inside...and him swinging his daughter up in his arms and she would be wearing a frilly dress and have the cutest blonde curls in two pigtails...

that comment, which i'm sure he didn't mean to hurt me w/, was just so painful to hear.  i was totally head over heels for him, and to be sitting next to him, on my bed, and for him to not even think that there might be a future w/me or realize that such an offhanded comment could hurt...i don't know.  it was a lot for a 18yo, especially one who tended to get melodramatic over a boy she was crazy about.

i have a great concern about dating guys w/yellow fever, and i always ask about it...Che remembers that quite clearly, and that his response has always been that he doesn't see me as asian, he sees me as [omphaloskepsist] first.  but i do wonder about our kids.  would they be goofy?

i also worry about Che and my long-term compatibility b/c even tho we've known each other for almost 9yrs now, we've never lived in the same city while dating.  he's changed a lot (and so have i) from our college days, and altho we still have an amazing connection, i don't know how we would be together.  we've always dated long distance; we haven't been together for more than 6 days straight at a time...and it is highly unlikely that we will ever be in the same city, unless one of us moves for the other.

he is like a nomad, living minimally (he can practically pack his kitchen in a shoebox).  i am by no means a packrat but i like having things, especially shoes.  he doesn't carry more than the absolute minimum, liability insurance, on his car.  this freaks me out b/c i was in my first car accident this year (not my fault) and i am fully insured...what would happen if we were to be on the same policy?  i know, this is a stupid fear.  he's a libertarian and doesn't believe in taxes or welfare.  he doesn't vote.  i am a moderate democrat and no crazy political blogger, but i vote (and i caucus!!!) and he always tells me i'm too soft-hearted when we have a conversation about politics and providing services for those less fortunate (for him it's a handout for the lazy).  he won't eat food out of a trailer.  i took him to a [grad school city]-famous trailer, that has been featured on a Food Network show, and apart from the fact that it would've taken 45min for us to get our food so we left, he turned his nose up at it b/c he thought it wasn't clean.  the happiest he is when he comes to visit me is when he is either eating bbq or Taco Bell (eww).  his relationship w/his family is a little complicated.  i may complain about my parents but i still depend on them for a lot, and my sisters also.  his parents separated about 7yrs ago, and he hasn't forgiven them for that.  and his brother is a coke head.  i don't know where he's going.  what if he finds some plastic bimbo in [fabulous city]?  he's got connections and is always going to crazy parties.

i am now 26 and i don't know what i'm doing w/my life.

but he loves me.  right?  or am i just the perfect confidante and companion for long-distance pillow talk?