10 posts tagged “ew”

but so far it's just the same old same old. i'm not sad, i'm not awesomely happy, either.

the boring run-down of my life:

on the man front:
so w/the recent deaths of the kennedy clan, i can't but think of Che. i wonder if he went to the funeral, or if he stayed in [fabulous city] while his kennedy attended. i've avoided the media coverage b/c i don't want to be reminded of him. how lame is that?

on the friend front:
IG had his island weekend earlier this month, and i went. it was a lot of fun, but things were noticeably calmer than usual, b/c everyone was in a relationship or paired off. there were 14 of us and HT and i were paired off, even tho i ended up sharing a room w/IG's ex-girlfriend. nothing crazy happened, w/the exception of a fight between BL and GL. but that's to be expected b/c he gets trashed and she usually takes offense to something he does or says; this time it was b/c she found his hidden stash of "snus".

they're nearing their first anniversary, and they recently bought a condo in [eastern city]. i was their first non-family guest in their new guest room! exciting.

JMS + wife had already bought a condo and were living together before they got married. FM just bought a condo, too, and his girlfriend is moving in.

i need to stop comparing myself to my friends. i need to stop thinking about how i am single and (although not unhappy about it) how i need to find a guy.

i'm headed to new orleans for labor day, w/TM. i'm assuming AA isn't coming b/c she didn't get back to me w/her travel itinerary. TM and i decided on new orleans before we found out that labor day weekend is "southern decadence" in NOLA, also known as "gay mardi gras". TM has promised not to abandon me for a random gay dude, so hopefully we'll do a lot of eating and drinking and perhaps i'll find a straight guy and kissyface at some point.

both EW and D&G were recently in town (but separately), and stayed w/me. apparently i've gotten more assertive since i moved to [northern city] (or so they tell me). i think it's b/c i'm less used to the day-to-day drama and therefore less inclined to take people's shit. the last time i was in [grad school city] CB and i got into a long, extended, late-night conversation about--what else--girls and of course it didn't go anywhere. oh, and TR is dating someone seriously enough to make it known on facebook, but she looks sort of dorky (later confirmed by D&G). i am totally hotter. but he's getting ass and i'm not. damn.

on the family front:
YS officially has a boyfriend. he's someone she met at nerd camp two summers ago, and they ended up at different colleges but still kept in touch. they've been together for a while, but she's only been comfortable w/the titles of boyfriend-girlfriend recently. OS has started dating in her internship city, and I AM OFFICIALLY THE SINGLEST SISTER FOR THE FIRST TIME IN A LONG TIME. so depressing.

on the work front:
i still have a crush on SFC. we went out for bar trivia tonight (and won, natch) and i really just wanted to sit in his lap and kissyface.

blah. i need another distraction.

there are other posts i've been meaning to write but i just keep putting them off. b/c i can b/c this is my blog and i'm allowed to be a slacker.

i cried a lot this weekend. engaged in some retail therapy.

was watching DVRed episodes of In Plain Sight and something one of the characters (a recently widowed lady) said really struck me. she was talking about how every morning when she wakes up, she expects her husband to be there and it always takes her a second to remember that he isn't. and that second is always so painful and yet she doesn't want to forget about him.

obviously my situation w/Che is/was no where near that serious. also, it's a TV show w/paid writers and actors who are good at pretending--they're paid to do it.

but sometimes that's the way i feel.

i talked to EW about the whole breakup this weekend, inbetween giant gulping sobs and she tried to put things into perspective for me by talking about herself (it's one of her faults)...so she reminded me that at least i'm not over 30 and single, contemplating a move to another state where i know no one (she was recently laid off from her firm job and just interviewed for a federal clerkship where the judge apparently wants a 4yr commitment). this is true, but then again my grades in law school were no where near good enough to have even gotten that interview (and there's no guarantee that the judge will hire her--but she must decide to w/draw before the judge offers it to her b/c you just don't say no to a judge). and her dog is dying of cancer.

so relatively, i don't have it all that bad.

then again, all of my friends who are married and engaged have it better than me. i forgot to mention: two of my friends from college got engaged at the very end of last month (this was when i was apparently in my "it's okay! i'm fine!" phase). they went to a very very posh law school together (she transferred there after a year at another rather prestigious law school) but he started and therefore graduated a year before she did. he proposed 3 days into a trip they took to iceland (!!!) to celebrate her graduation. i'm not so disgusted by this b/c they have been dating since fall 2000, but she told me 2yrs ago that they were in no hurry to get married. and that irks me a little. it's my sad-sack responses kicking in. at least i'll get invited to the wedding, which promises to be a crazy affair (he's indian).

what else is happening? i had a dream that featured me cuddling w/SFC toward the end of last week. that was just weird.
 

in a perfect world, all of my friends would get along.  but they don't.

MB is an acquired taste.  i know this.  when people tell me about something that he did to offend them, i can sort of understand where they're coming from.

JCG and BW don't really get along.  they worked at the same place part-time last year, and i've accepted that they will never be best buds.  most of the dislike was from JCG directed at BW, or so i thought.

recently, BW has made comments about how JCG is not her favorite person.  JCG owns a pit bull (who is terribly sweet) and b/c BW is allergic to pet saliva, she hates it when JCG used to bring the dog to work w/her.  JCG didn't understand it, and thought BW was just being immature.  not the end of the world, right?

but apparently, JCG used to stand around at work and talk to another mutual friend of ours about how much she enjoyed hanging out w/me, right in BW's presence, and discuss things openly w/o including BW in the conversation.  sort of rude, but maybe excusable under certain circumstances...

then BW told me that JCG was openly mean to one of the paralegals at work, and told her flat out that she shouldn't apply to our law school b/c she wouldn't get in.  guess what--she didn't.  and JCG said, "i told you so."

now i'm not sure if there is any way to spin that positively.

and last week, JCG told me that she was having a very bad day so i met her for lunch.  turns out she signed onto a [now former] friend's gmail account and read all the emails about herself.  apparently said former friend had been having all these conversations behind JCG's back and badmouthing her.  okay, so i'm glad she now knows, but seriously?  reading someone else's email?  the former friend had given her the password like a year ago to check something, and apparently never changed her password back.  JCG says she's not going to say anything to the former friend, and i support that, but STILL.  it's a severe invasion of privacy.

i don't know how i feel about it.  i spend a lot of time defending EW and BW and another friend of mine to JCG whenever she beats down on them, and same thing when BW talks about JCG, but maybe i should just start telling them to leave me out of it, and i don't want to hear the negativity.

no more guilt by proxy!

long pre-labor day day.  went kayaking, then to a minor league baseball game, then attempted to go drinking, and now D&G is passed out on an aerobed on my living room floor.

kayaking happened b/c D&G wanted to do something water-related (she's about to leave to spend the semester in Russia working for a government agency) and CB's parents live about an hour away, on the river.  D&G and CB drove in one car, and EW and i followed in another.  on the way there, EW mentioned that she doesn't know CB very well, and only hears about him when i'm complaining about the last thing he's done that annoys me.  i, feeling bad, did say that he's a very good friend if he's not interested in you romantically, or isn't talking about his girl-crazy ways.

and it's true.  his parents own 3 kayaks, so he took EW to rent another one, and set them all up.  he took EW's shitty rented kayak so that she could use one of his parents', and then tried to pay for half of it.  he also let us leave early (D&G and i had to get back early for the game) and returned the other kayak and cleaned everything up for us.

he is nothing if not considerate, helpful, and patient when it comes to doing things for his friends.

but he is always going to be a linty ball of darkness, deep down inside.  RND [un-]officially broke things off w/him in july, and now they can't be in the same room together (she is probably the first girl to actually break up w/him and not the other way around).  he has told her that she is not welcome at events which his friends invite her to, b/c they were his friends first.  they apparently send each other emails so that he can make sure that they won't see each other.  this morning, while we were waiting for our pre-kayaking breakfast tacos, D&G happened to mention RND (she had been staying at RND's house this past week, while she was visiting people here] and CB stormed out of the place b/c he didn't want to even hear her name.

his insecurities are forcing D&G and others to feel like they are in a custody battle.  he says he's enforcing this ban b/c he doesn't want her to get upset at him, but it's actually b/c he can't stand being around someone who ended things w/him and who is currently dating someone else.

it's so immature.  and it's going to make our formerly-girls-only rock band party tomorrow (that EW inadvertently invited CB to) rather awkward tomorrow.

well, not really, unless you count me complaining (but only for a short while) to EW and D&G about Che.

he called me and i got to yell at him for not calling me back over reunion weekend, and for not calling me back after i left him a voicemail (i was checking to see that he hadn't died).  Che has issues w/voicemail.  he (like D&G) hates listening to them.  but he says that i'm the exception...if he's going to listen to anyone's voicemail, it would be mine.  but this time, he didn't listen to either of them, and so he thought that i was mad at him for not coming to reunion.  i had to set him straight, and then yell at him.  it's always strange for me to do it b/c who am i to complain and be morally superior?  but i had good cause and he acknowledged that.  i was angry at him, not b/c of what we are or what we have been in the past, but b/c any person, any friend, should return a call that he asked for.  it's basic human decency.  i understand that work is work, but he didn't even call me back to tell me that he couldn't come.

he says that he is going to take my comments to heart and work on being a better person.

he's invited me out to [fabulous city] after the bar, b/c he's housesitting.  after the deadline for turning in my thesis (or for failing to turn in my thesis), i'm so there.  i may not oblige w/the daily blowjobs that he would apparently enjoy, however.

both EW and D&G called me for man-advice tonight, which i found pretty amusing.  not sure that i should've talked to each of them for so long, considering the sorry state of my thesis, but what else is a good friend to do?

D&G is in a foreign language immersion program this summer, and she made a phone call on the sly.  she has taken a pledge to only speak and write in a foreign language so she had to struggle to find the right words at times during our conversation.  she has been flirting for the past 2wks w/another student, and is finding it hard to spend any time w/him alone, or say the right things in said foreign language.  it's cute.

EW had a blast from the past this weekend, when someone she went to high school with (and college) called her for some legal advice.  she's rather long-winded (my voicemail actually cut her off b/c she went over the time limit) and so i got to hear the whole saga between her and this dude, starting from the 6th grade.

did i actually have much advice for either one of them?  no.  but i was a good ear.  i usually provide the entertaining stories and drama for my friends so it's nice to hear about other people's lives and realize that we all have to make sense of our different experiences and try to go along as best we can.

BL is back in town, and we got together w/EW and another one of my friends for dinner and an outdoor concert tonight.  she thinks that IG was just waiting for me to make a move all last weekend.  hm.  he's always been very passive about making the first move on girls, but honestly?  i was all cozy w/him on a twin XL for goodness sakes.  and i wasn't wearing any underwear!  [well he wouldn't have known that.]  suffice to say, it wouldn't have taken much.

she also thinks i should come to [eastern city] for her and GL's annual fourth of july party and hang out w/IG, who is a grad student in [eastern city].  i told her i can't afford to, both in terms of time and money.  she also suggested that when IG plans his annual island party, when he asks me (if!  he does) i should tell him i can't and see what happens.  she thinks he might offer to buy my ticket.  we'll see.  i'm just afraid of doing anything b/c he may not be interested and that would be so embarrassing and awkward...

academically speaking.

so yesterday, my first and second readers for my thesis told me they would need more time for a first draft, and so i am officially not graduating this spring.  i'm graduating in august (if i finish my thesis), instead.

understandably disappointed, i was.  but i was expecting it.

what i wasn't expecting was for my first reader to then accuse me of attempting to self-plagiarize my own work.  i thought i had made it clear that my thesis would be an expansion of a paper i wrote for my second reader, and so the thesis would include my method of analysis and the case study from my first paper.  apparently i was wrong.  i thought my proposal and my emails had been clear.  i have an email from my first reader purporting to give me permission to include prior work in my thesis.

i am currently trying to meet w/the [grad school] writing instructor, to see if i can rework the portions of my first paper that i was intending on using for my thesis.  she hasn't responded.  tomorrow i plan to talk to the graduate adviser about switching first readers if i can't figure out a way to write the paper i want, the paper i told my first reader i was going to write, the paper which he approved.

i will just have to take this all as a learning experience, and take comfort in the fact that i have been nothing but professional and honest and forthcoming in my dealings w/my now-asshole-first reader.

and i'm proud of myself for not calling Che yesterday when i was underslept, overly emotional, blubbering, and upset.  to tell the truth, i didn't even think of him until later on in the evening; by the time he called me i had pretty much calmed down.  the first person i did call?  MB.  he was as supportive as someone w/emotional issues can be.  he told me to suck it up.  then i talked to EW and TP.  and AA.  and JCG came over and got me to drink beer and eat brisket and onion rings.  D&G told me that my first reader has accused other students (unjustly) of plagiarism.  maybe it's just his thing.

sigh.  is this what real life is going to be like, w/douchebag supervisors and rude emails left and right?  maybe the worst part about this is that i actually picked my readers.  i suppose if i had multiple job offers (ha!) i would be picking my supervisors, wouldn't i?

that's one way to ruin a relationship.  sometimes i wonder how seriously i can take Che.  if i really up and moved to [fabulous city], never mind that i would be overly qualified and wouldn't take the job in a million years unless i had 4 starving mouths to feed or was in some equally dire strait, would he actually hire me?  he told me my options were either dockworker in his building, or his secretary.  the secretary position would require a lot of "extra attention" and lots of high heels.  riiiight.   at least i can bank on his attraction to me.  when we go to our 5yr college reunion this summer, he intends for us to have lots of the funny business.  he's getting really excited about the prospect of getting sweaty and making lots of noise on on of those lovely twin XL mattresses in the dorms.  i told him if he wants it, he should reserve a room, b/c i sure as heck won't.  maybe we can try to hit the whole "10 places you should have sex before you leave [the alma mater]" list.

EW was right.  even tho this has been a semester of unrelenting rejection, i'm not really 0 for 948576 jobs.  i'm actually 1 for 948577.  even tho i am not getting lovin in the professional development arena, there have been no shortage of boys in love w/me.  ha.

at some point last night, even tho i had resolved to not engage in any more funny business w/TR, we did do so, and then again this morning...i've got to stop this.

also, in the course of conversation, he revealed that he really likes me, doesn't date more than one girl at a time, is "getting older" and so only dates girls he sees some possibility of future stuff (like marriage and kids) w/, and feels "really good" about us.

uh oh.

somehow he hasn't asked me to express my feelings on any of those things.  no vice versa.  b/c if he did i, in the interest of honesty, would say that i:
-like him but not enough and it's just that i have no willpower when it comes to funny business that causes me to continue doing it w/him
-can and am dating more than one person at a time
-do not really see a future w/him, and
-am trying to figure out how to let him down gently and still remain friends and be his date to BM and PCG's wedding in august.

last night, Che called and left me multiple voicemail messages b/c he couldn't understand why i wasn't answering my phone.  i ended up calling him back (i was at a concert w/EW) and was still on the phone w/him when TR showed up...awkward.  TR bought a toothbrush on his way over last night (but no condoms!!!)  and before he left this morning i told him that he should take it w/him b/c it would be weird if he left it here.  i am going to a wedding w/MB later today, and am still crossing my fingers that i will somehow end up going home w/SSM.  he carries magnums around, and from past experience i know that he looks totally hot in his tiny boxer briefs.

why can't Che hurry up and say he wants me to be his, exclusively, again?  it would make things so much easier.  i guess he doesn't know to ask.  and who knows if he would if he *did* know.  i was talking to CG about Che last week, and she revealed that last time she had lunch w/a mutual friend/acquaintance of ours, he ended up kissing her goodbye in the parking lot, so she kissed him back, and they ended up in a makeout session in the parking lot that involved him grabbing her ass.  this was a sunday afternoon, in public.  she can't help the fact that she can't keep her hands off of him.  i guess Che is the same for me (at least in public; in private i really have no control over my animal urges, apparently).

three ways:

1) OS is going into surgery on monday to remove the tumor in her brain.  i'm more freaking out about the fact that i'm not freaking out, than anything else.  i don't want to think about the fact that there could be serious complications or than she might die.  i can't accept that at all.  i'm numb about it.  So far, I blurted it out to BM and AO, and i've told Che, my friend Elle Woods (EW), my friend Tapioca Pudding (TP), MB, and JCG.

2) turns out TR does like me.  we're going on a date tomorrow night.  i feel like i'm almost cheating on Che.  Che wants to send OS flowers in the hospital, even tho he's never met her before.  he said that he'd put something special in for me too.  TR is tall and cute and very nice but i'm scared.  he knows next to nothing about me, and definitely doesn't know about OS.

3) i caved and didn't actually not answer the phone.  Che and i are still talking.  he says that he's been very busy and he's been looking at tickets every day at work (he doesn't have internet at home) but hasn't gotten around to purchasing tickets.  i told him he couldn't come this weekend, b/c i was going to a show on friday.  and turns out i'll be going to [neighboring city] anyways, to visit OS before she goes into surgery.  he called me today just so that he could hear my voice, after i instant messaged him about OS.

where is my life going?