8 posts tagged “cg”

not like i think life should be a giant checklist of tasks, but ever since my college 5yr reunion i've been sort of obsessed w/the notion of the "grand trifecta."  none of my college friends have gotten all three, but all of them have made it to at least one or two, or are no where near completion of school so they aren't experiencing the almost-there-but-not-almost-daily-imminent-failure-freakout.  obviously, i haven't attained any of the three yet.

1-graduation from an advanced degree program: still slaving away at the thesis.  and i won't know if i passed the bar until november.
2-a job: i have a full time fellowship/internship for the fall.  it may lead to permanent employment, but it's a nonlegal position.
3-marriage or commitment to a serious relationship that will most likely lead to marriage:  HAHA.

this weekend, i was lucky enough to attend BM and PCG's wedding.  [CG refused to be my date to the wedding, saying it would be weird to witness her ex-boyfriend's nuptials.  i didn't think it was all that weird, but she ended up going to a wedding too.  so did JCG.  8/08/08!!!  i think that the wedding CG attended, the only asian one, was the only one that was intentionally on superluckyday.  JCG's cousin did not provide alcohol OR DINNER at her wedding.  pretty lame!]  it was pretty small, about 75 people, and it was beautiful, notwithstanding the muggy weather (outdoor weddings, in the summer, not my most favoritest thing).  they are both PhD candidates (BM will finish before PCG), so it's not like they have gotten to either #1 or #2, but they obviously crossed #3 off of the list.  sigh.  slim pickings at the wedding.  turns out BM's brother is also engaged.  he's getting married sometime in 2009.  i guess it's all right w/me, b/c he has facial hair and i'm not such a fan.  his loss!  heh.

also, CCC and her husband gave birth to a boy this past week (they kept the sex a surprise).  the picture she sent me is adorable, but frankly i find the prospect of 40hrs of labor to produce a baby to be quite terrifying.  40 HOURS!!!  she hasn't finished her PhD program, nor does she really have a job, but she just birthed a small child.

maybe i'm looking at this all wrong, but i really just want something to redeem the shittiness of this past year.  it's selfish, yes, but after 20yrs of schooling, i want something to show for my pain and suffering, or at least someone to whine about it to.

CG, sweet girl that she is, is finally shacking up w/this dude we'll call "the Beebs", as he is moving to [parents' [and CG's] city] after the bar.  they hooked up for the first time at their journal banquet, spring of 2007, and have been haphazardly hooking up ever since.  i am so happy for her!  i told her tonight that i am excited to finally be living vicariously through her, and not vice versa.  but i guess the next 3wks will be sort of slow, as he is currently taking his bar trip to Thailand.  of course, that means CG should find ass from another source to keep me entertained!

in other "i am miserable this summer b/c i am working on my thesis and probably won't graduate and probably failed the bar that i took last week that sucked ASS" news, BM is having his bachelor party tonight.  i wanted to go, b/c i've never been to a bachelor party, but also b/c BM's younger brother is sort of hot.  there is no way that i can proposition him at the wedding on friday, but after a long night of bar-hopping, who knows what is possible?  this is all assuming that said younger brother is currently single.  he was when CG and BM were going out, but that was a while ago.

the fact that i am a girl and wasn't openly invited would probably be another hurdle, independent of my goddamn thesis.  i think of myself as a dude's gal, tho, in terms of being able to get along w/guys just as well as girls, so that's why i should've been invited!  would've made things awkward b/c TR would've been there, and he still has this tendency to randomly stare at me every now and then, i guess.  okay, so i took one for the team by not going.  that's how i will console myself.

the high point of my evening: discussing pre-mixed pb and j w/Che on the phone.  i wonder if that stripey smucker's stuff is still being made?

for aunt flo.  i am an idiot, and it took ms. virginal sweetness, CG herself, to tell me that birth control pills don't start working until after the first full month you take them.  [edit: upon JCG's expert advice, i went and read the actual instructions for my birth control pills and it's only 7 days.]  well that's only part of the reason why i'm an idiot.  i went off the pill in november, after CS and i stopped seeing each other, b/c i didn't see any funny business in my future.  except that then there was TR and Che and NM and many other guy possibilities, and i kept forgetting to go back on the pill.

so i've played this game where i announce to CG and JCG that "there is no bun in the oven" every time my period starts.  this time i cracked CG up b/c i told her that i would not be birthing any baby shoe salesmen.  but honestly, i think i'd have an abortion.  wow.  it's weird to see that in print.  and this is me being overly paranoid, since there is always a condom present.

but tomorrow is sunday and i am DEFINITELY going back on the pill.  or is it a week from now?  i'm confused.

brought someone home, to be referred to as NM (neiman marcus), from my neighborhood saloon last night...he insisted on showering before we really started fooling around.

is this weird?  MB says that he was washing off the dried scabs.  thanks, MB.

CG happened to be in town and coincidences of coincidences, just happened to be going to the neiman marcus that NM works at (i'm so creative, aren't i?).  she texted to tell me that he is cute, but ties his tie way too tight.

so, if he doesn't call me, i'll have had my first one night stand ever.  woo hoo.

i keep wondering if Che is the one.  i guess the fact that i keep wondering and don't know for sure should tell me something.

MB and i have known each other long enough to have birthed and raised a 3rd grader by now.  my ankle-biter w/Che would be a few months older than that.  it's physically impossible to have two kids that close in age, tho...

what would our kids look like?  i freaked CG out once by telling her that i couldn't marry TR b/c our kids would look too strange.  btw, TR wants to take me to dinner for my birthday.  i guess he didn't get the hint.  sigh.  i don't think it's all that weird to imagine what our kids would look like, as a combination of our facial features.  i think about this w/any guy that i date, including the not-serious-at-all candidates.

i *do* know that any child of mine won't have blond(e) hair.  last week, i was talking to JCG about Che and i mentioned something to her that i've never told anyone before, not in the 8yrs that it's been sitting in the back of my mind.  once, during freshman year of college, Che spent the night in my dorm room (i think he was sexiled by his roommate, even tho they had separate bedrooms) and we talked all night, through daybreak.  at some point we started talking about what we thought would be the perfect future memory/image.  i had, and still do, have this totally preppy ralph lauren moment in my mind that involves incredibly green grass, an impossibly blue sky, swings, and summer whites/cape attire.  he said that he could picture a white picket fence and him walking through the gate and his wife and daughter being just inside...and him swinging his daughter up in his arms and she would be wearing a frilly dress and have the cutest blonde curls in two pigtails...

that comment, which i'm sure he didn't mean to hurt me w/, was just so painful to hear.  i was totally head over heels for him, and to be sitting next to him, on my bed, and for him to not even think that there might be a future w/me or realize that such an offhanded comment could hurt...i don't know.  it was a lot for a 18yo, especially one who tended to get melodramatic over a boy she was crazy about.

i have a great concern about dating guys w/yellow fever, and i always ask about it...Che remembers that quite clearly, and that his response has always been that he doesn't see me as asian, he sees me as [omphaloskepsist] first.  but i do wonder about our kids.  would they be goofy?

i also worry about Che and my long-term compatibility b/c even tho we've known each other for almost 9yrs now, we've never lived in the same city while dating.  he's changed a lot (and so have i) from our college days, and altho we still have an amazing connection, i don't know how we would be together.  we've always dated long distance; we haven't been together for more than 6 days straight at a time...and it is highly unlikely that we will ever be in the same city, unless one of us moves for the other.

he is like a nomad, living minimally (he can practically pack his kitchen in a shoebox).  i am by no means a packrat but i like having things, especially shoes.  he doesn't carry more than the absolute minimum, liability insurance, on his car.  this freaks me out b/c i was in my first car accident this year (not my fault) and i am fully insured...what would happen if we were to be on the same policy?  i know, this is a stupid fear.  he's a libertarian and doesn't believe in taxes or welfare.  he doesn't vote.  i am a moderate democrat and no crazy political blogger, but i vote (and i caucus!!!) and he always tells me i'm too soft-hearted when we have a conversation about politics and providing services for those less fortunate (for him it's a handout for the lazy).  he won't eat food out of a trailer.  i took him to a [grad school city]-famous trailer, that has been featured on a Food Network show, and apart from the fact that it would've taken 45min for us to get our food so we left, he turned his nose up at it b/c he thought it wasn't clean.  the happiest he is when he comes to visit me is when he is either eating bbq or Taco Bell (eww).  his relationship w/his family is a little complicated.  i may complain about my parents but i still depend on them for a lot, and my sisters also.  his parents separated about 7yrs ago, and he hasn't forgiven them for that.  and his brother is a coke head.  i don't know where he's going.  what if he finds some plastic bimbo in [fabulous city]?  he's got connections and is always going to crazy parties.

i am now 26 and i don't know what i'm doing w/my life.

but he loves me.  right?  or am i just the perfect confidante and companion for long-distance pillow talk?

at some point last night, even tho i had resolved to not engage in any more funny business w/TR, we did do so, and then again this morning...i've got to stop this.

also, in the course of conversation, he revealed that he really likes me, doesn't date more than one girl at a time, is "getting older" and so only dates girls he sees some possibility of future stuff (like marriage and kids) w/, and feels "really good" about us.

uh oh.

somehow he hasn't asked me to express my feelings on any of those things.  no vice versa.  b/c if he did i, in the interest of honesty, would say that i:
-like him but not enough and it's just that i have no willpower when it comes to funny business that causes me to continue doing it w/him
-can and am dating more than one person at a time
-do not really see a future w/him, and
-am trying to figure out how to let him down gently and still remain friends and be his date to BM and PCG's wedding in august.

last night, Che called and left me multiple voicemail messages b/c he couldn't understand why i wasn't answering my phone.  i ended up calling him back (i was at a concert w/EW) and was still on the phone w/him when TR showed up...awkward.  TR bought a toothbrush on his way over last night (but no condoms!!!)  and before he left this morning i told him that he should take it w/him b/c it would be weird if he left it here.  i am going to a wedding w/MB later today, and am still crossing my fingers that i will somehow end up going home w/SSM.  he carries magnums around, and from past experience i know that he looks totally hot in his tiny boxer briefs.

why can't Che hurry up and say he wants me to be his, exclusively, again?  it would make things so much easier.  i guess he doesn't know to ask.  and who knows if he would if he *did* know.  i was talking to CG about Che last week, and she revealed that last time she had lunch w/a mutual friend/acquaintance of ours, he ended up kissing her goodbye in the parking lot, so she kissed him back, and they ended up in a makeout session in the parking lot that involved him grabbing her ass.  this was a sunday afternoon, in public.  she can't help the fact that she can't keep her hands off of him.  i guess Che is the same for me (at least in public; in private i really have no control over my animal urges, apparently).

Che's coming to visit, either in 2wks or 4.  he promised to tell me by the end of the day tomorrow when it would be.  all i did was ask him when he was coming to see me.  i guess his self-improvement kick is really working.

i am supposed to be throwing myself a housewarming party, sometime soon, but 6mos late.

i received my first email from TR this morning, as he was inquiring about the date of said housewarming party, and to make sure that he's still invited (i extended him an invite one night last week, when i was maybe rather drunk.).  CG gives TR two thumbs up.  she says that he is a "funny and charming" guy.  that's quite a recommendation from her.

problem is, 2wks from now is when i was planning on going to a concert w/BM and TR.  it was also the actual original intended weekend for my party, but BM whined so much that i agreed to change it.  the band we're going to see is playing shows both friday and saturday nights, and BM is going to both; he makes a point to find this band and hear them whenever he's in europe (1x or 2x a year).  TR was planning on going to see the band one night, and come to my party the other, hence the email he sent.

4wks from now would be the weekend after said [rescheduled] party.  if i'm lucky, something will happen between me and TR.  i do not think Che is intending this to be a platonic visit, and it's been made pretty clear that he would not be happy sharing me w/someone else.

i am probably counting my chickens before they hatch, but...

for maximum possible drama and hijinks, i suppose i could push my party back another week, to coincide w/Chinese New Year *and* Che's visit.  in that case it'd be interesting to see if anyone mentions the fact that my last totally awesome housewarming party (oct 2006) was also an "i broke up w/Che and i'm going to drink so you might as well keep me from drinking alone" party.  a good time was had by all.  hopefully i will not end up lying on the floor in a drunken state in my cowboy boots this time around.

this is all very choppy.  argh.

BM (batman) has just gotten engaged to PCG (peace corps girl).  they've been dating less than a year.  getting married next august, moving in together like oops they did that 2 days ago.  last person he seriously dated was my friend CG (choir girl) and that was for YEARS.

wow.

and i've been daydreaming about having CS's children.

wtf???