9 posts tagged “bad decisions”

and i forgot that i wasn't supposed to answer.

damnit.

in other news, apparently i am the only ex- of JMS's that is invited to the wedding b/c i am the only one that the bride-to-be can stand. that's a good thing b/c she's pretty cool.

is it too much to ask that i get some action (at the very least, some kissy-face) at the wedding this weekend? i know that nothing like that ever happens when one is looking for it so i'm trying to be happy being single and such but COME ON it has been a month since i've gotten any funny business and who knows when will be the next time i will feel comfortable enough in my element to do something stupid. i'm generally satisfied w/my attractiveness and man-luring abilities, but that's b/c i always had a fall-back (not like Che was my back-up plan or anything, but i had that bit of confidence there). well i guess i still sort of have it. he mentioned something about how there are people he knows that don't like me b/c of the pain and grief i caused him and then he refused to elaborate on it.

but overall, i've never gotten any action at a wedding before. so it's not like i'm cursing myself or breaking some sort of streak (unless you count the non-lovin as a streak).

i shouldn't try too hard, tho, b/c bad decisions are, well, bad decisions.

and look! no tears! yet. just a small amount of bemusement.

NM is officially a two-night-stand now.  he's not the sharpest crayon in the box, but he's cute.  i don't see this going very far, tho, given the intellectual mismatch.

Che called me yesterday...twice.  i told him that i was at the saloon on friday and i think he's a little jealous, or a little antsy.  you're the one who wanted to play this game, dude.  you could make me an honest woman and end the bad decisions!

in other news, JCG had some bad decisions this weekend at an overgrown frat-boy-infused chili cookoff.  i'm so proud of her.

brought someone home, to be referred to as NM (neiman marcus), from my neighborhood saloon last night...he insisted on showering before we really started fooling around.

is this weird?  MB says that he was washing off the dried scabs.  thanks, MB.

CG happened to be in town and coincidences of coincidences, just happened to be going to the neiman marcus that NM works at (i'm so creative, aren't i?).  she texted to tell me that he is cute, but ties his tie way too tight.

so, if he doesn't call me, i'll have had my first one night stand ever.  woo hoo.

i called TR and ended things this evening.  JCG, who is apparently a break-up expert, gave me some good tips.  i'm now a big fan of "i'm sorry if i disappointed you."  this is b/c i'm not a "it's not you, it's me" fan.  i mean, it was him!  he didn't do anything wrong, he just wasn't my cup of tea.  i am perfectly capable of being in a relationship, but i don't want to be in one w/him!  likewise, why i couldn't say "i'm not ready for a relationship right now."  i try not to tell falsehoods during relationship talks.

so he didn't cry or anything, but he did say he was sad.  i'm pretty sure he didn't see it coming.  oops for him.  oh well, we're going to stay friends and all.

MB thinks that i should go and make some bad decisions.  i did go out downtown w/SSM and JCG earlier in the week, but felt no great desire to pursue anyone or anything.  i think i am just going to enjoy being young, attractive, and single.

Che wants to come and visit me...either for bad decisions or not (my choice).

i think i am going on a date w/CS this week, tho.  i guess it depends on what Che means by "this coming week."

i need to move on.  had a date w/CS last night, and it almost broke my heart.  he has been out of sorts lately, and was able to turn what was a happy, bubbly [omphaloskepsist] into a quiet, monosyllabic utterer by the end of dinner.  he is so frustrated at work now and generally angry/depressed/etc that i don't know what to do.  well, i know what i need to do, but...

i didn't want to leave him alone last night, and so i stayed over, even tho i couldn't spare the time or the sleep hours and he had to go back to work for an hour or two.  when he came back, he ended up smoking a joint b/c he couldn't sleep, so i smoked up w/him.  partly b/c it was a bad decision, partly b/c i wanted him to be not-so-angry, and partly b/c i didn't want to be sober and composed.

this morning, on our way out, he told me that he was sorry that he wasn't better company last night.  i know that waiting around for him to feel better and wake up and realize that he wants to be w/me is futile and keeps me from moving on, but i can't help it right now.  i'm too stuck on my Old Cheese.  i'm a Hem through and through (i ended up reading "Who Moved My Cheese?" last night after i screwed up his amazingly complicated multimedia system).  a Hem who is behaving in a pretty self-destructive manner right now...even he could see that when i was describing my week of entertainment and hangovers (i didn't talk about SSM).  wonder if he thinks it's b/c of him.

what would i do if i had no fear?  can i be radically honest?  what is going to happen when i'm in [summer city] this weekend?

the combination of the "once" soundtrack, tiredness, stress, empty-heartedness, and weed consumption is making me so amazingly sad right now.

Che just called me to talk about everything and nothing.  he wants to be part of the "bad decisions" phase of my life...i told him it's not possible to be my worst bad decision but he's welcome to try.

he actually asked me if i was sleeping around.

and then he read me some poetry and told me that i am his little miss ray of sunshine.

so, CS emailed me back on friday, to tell me that he has been very antisocial all week long and avoiding everyone, not just me.  and that he was going to [neighboring city] for the weekend, but that we could talk when he got back next week.

hm.  would it be a bad decision to tell him that i hooked up w/someone else (too bad we didn't have sex), or just plain dumb?

i partied like a rockstar on sat night.  went to a house party and generally amused myself by letting guys attempt to hit on me.  there was one dude who outshone the others in his persistence (which meant there was little or no opportunity for me to pursue the cute ones, sigh) and b/c i am still in bad decisions mode, i humored him and "gifted him w/my time and attention" (i repeated this phrase multiple times throughout the night, b/c it was appropriate and when i'm drunk and think i've come up w/something clever, i'll keep using it).  and i ended up getting sloshed, and getting dropped on the grass in the backyard when he tipped the chair we were sitting on, back, in his 93844756th futile attempt to kiss me.  he later tried to dance w/me in the living room, then climbed onto a coffee table to dance some more and fell down, and then when i refused to shake his hand on our way out, he stubbed his cigarette out on my friend's windshield.

cla$$y.  i just wish that there were more attractive guys in close + easy proximity w/which to make my bad decisions.

earlier this week, i was having a talk w/someone at my internship about relationships and rebounds...and i decided that my outlook from now on would be to look for bad decisions instead of prospective relationships.

so what has happened since then:
tuesday: 2 happy hours and then hanging out w/CB, who kept making references to my sexy outfit (it really wasn't; i just looked nice, as always) and how he wanted me to take my clothes off
wednesday: drinking and then more drinking w/HMM and another friend, and they spent more than an hour talking about my boobs and how hot i am
thursday: sushi and then pregaming and then downtown and then hooking up w/a rather attractive friend-of-a-friend, singer sewing machine (SSM).  no funny business b/c it's my time of the month but if i go out w/them tonight he'll most likely get another crack at it.  what concerns me is that MB apparently told SSM about my increasing boob size.  i have no idea why.

i haven't seen CS since last friday, when we had lunch and i almost fell asleep b/c i was so exhausted.  we did some emailing earlier this week, but nothing since tuesday...and he didn't return my VM message from yesterday.  honestly, i'm ready to go w/the casual sex.  if he wasn't being honest when we last talked seriously, then he might as well call me back so that i can get my contact solution from his apt.

taking it one day at a time.