idiocy
right now i am very angry at JCG. and angry at myself.
i, along with some other soon-to-be graduates, went to an alumni reception at a fancy hotel downtown. i ended up drinking a bit too much and, after driving myself and CC to dinner, proceeded to "pass out" in JCG's lap. the extra glass of wine SSM bought me at the restaurant while we waited for our table just sped things up. i spent some time on the floor of the men's bathroom, before JCG and SSM hauled me out (barefoot, b/c somehow i lost my shoes) and placed me in JCG's car. when i protested, saying that my car was still at the restaurant, JCG snapped at me and told me that i should just call a cab in the morning to get it. she drove me back to my house but we determined that the keys to my house were in the trunk of my car. so, she then tried to drag me out of the car and make me lie on the porch b/c she didn't want me throwing up in her car. i spent 5min arguing w/her b/c i didn't want to be left alone and i told her i wouldn't puke (i have a delayed puking mechanism). finally, she drove back to the restaurant to get my keys, and on the way over, took $20 out of my purse to pay for my food (which i did not eat and everyone else at the table consumed), and called and told everyone that i was going to pay for dessert to make up for it. at this point i was semi-comatose. we got back to my house and i limped in and fell down on the floor in the living room. i don't remember much else, except that i spent the hours from 230am to 11am throwing up.
when i checked my phone in the morning, JCG had texted me to say that i owed everyone else $40. so at this point, i didn't have my shoes, i had no car, and i had no cash to pay for a cab to get back to the restaurant. and i apparently was going to pay a grand total of $60 for a meal i did not consume. how do 5 people end up w/a $40 bill for dessert? by each ordering something and making it the most expensive item on the dessert menu? after eating my pizza? wtf.
D&G was nice enough to pick me up and drive me to my car. and then i bought her lunch, but i volunteered.
now, i'm angry for a number of reasons.
***i'm angry at myself for drinking to excess. drinking 5 glasses of wine on a plate and a half of hors d'oeuvres (sp?) is a really really dumb thing for a short asian female w/a low tolerance to do.
1) JCG gets really mean to me when she thinks i've had too much to drink. she bitched me out for getting sloshed at my housewarming party, and after i, mortified, asked around to see if i had really been a hot mess, found out that i had been totally fine in everyone else's estimation, she did back down a bit. nevermind that she loves "drunk [omphaloskepsist]" and this is the first time i've gotten sloppy in the entirety of our acquaintance. (and she didn't even see me puke!!!)
2) last time she got sloppy and puked all over the place, i took care of her and never bitched her out or berated her or told you "i told you so."
3) i was going to offer to pay for her meal and maybe part of SSM's b/c of my drunken behavior, but where does she get off volunteering me to pay for everyone? they each get $12 b/c i ruined their night? to my best recollection, i did not do any of the following: make a scene, throw up on people, curse at people, or throw things at people. no one at the restaurant ever asked me to leave.
4) WTF. $40 on dessert???
5) someone told MB and i don't know who.
i called her today to ask her a question about graduation (tomorrow) but also to say that we needed to discuss what happened last night. she was on her way to the airport to pick up her sister (the one w/the asshole [soon-to-be-ex-?] husband), so she said that it wasn't a good time to talk. i guess we'll talk later this weekend.
no matter how outrageous i might've been (and i wasn't b/c no one told me to stop drinking or questioned my behavior until i started feeling ill at the restaurant...except for MB but that was back at the reception b/c he didn't go to dinner), i don't think JCG treated me very well. maybe i don't remember enough, but when i talked to CC on gchat today, he didn't say that my behavior was awful or anything like that. i think that for some strange reason JCG is harder on me than anyone else in terms of drinking and subsequent behavior. and it's terribly unfair. she is one of my closest friends here in [grad school city] and i would never have thought that anyone would've treated me the way that she did, last night. i can't even imagine it. especially since i have never been in that position w/her before (not like it's an excuse, but it's not like she can say that she is sick and tired of my behavior or something). for someone who has been amazingly supportive when it comes to boy issues and my thesis drama of earlier this spring, i'm just baffled by her response last night. i've been there for her. why did she treat me like an annoyance and a burden last night?
some other things that anger me:
1) my mother and OS will not be coming to graduation tomorrow, b/c OS is supposed to graduate from her graduate program on sunday and is still working to finish everything up. they are definitely not coming to my first (morning) graduation ceremony, but might be able to make it to the ceremony for my second graduate degree. i know that OS is working as hard as she can and has severe obstacles to overcome, but i can't help but think that my mother has placed OS first for so long now. yes, i'm a horrible person for saying this. at least i'm not vocalizing it to anyone.
2) CB and RND are too cuddly for a couple that is no longer a couple. it's ridiculous. and he invited the other girl over to hang out again! at least it wasn't my house this time. it was BW and her fiance's house. CB is just an emotionally manipulative jerk and i am getting more and more fed up w/him.
3) no matter how much i want it to happen, i am still not officially graduating this may. i'm afraid that i will end up breaking into tears at some point tomorrow, during one or both of the ceremonies, as the frustration gets to be too much.
